I also celebrated (if you can call it that) a year of vertigo. September 5 marked my one-year anniversary of vertigo and right-side hearing loss. I normally have oscillopsia (bouncing vision vertically and horizontally) with BPPV thrown in every so often for the vertigo. Because of my hearing loss, I also have tinnitus. No, I don’t just have normal tinnitus; I have 3 kinds of tinnitus: constant normal swishing, lovely bells intermittently, and pulsatile tinnitus even more intermittently. The louder the room is, the louder my tinnitus is.

I am managing my vertigo better now. I started using a cane in June, after a horrific fall in May. Esther sat with me for hours in the ER in Albuquerque as I had many X-rays and a CT scan to see if I’d broken any facial bones. No, just a broken tooth.

I met Daniel for lunch more than a month after the fall, a few days after I started using a cane. He asked, “Why did it take you so long to start using a cane?” Good question. I was in denial about the vertigo and what I could and could not do. I think I am no longer in denial. We will see.

As for the past year, I have come to some critical realizations.

1. My vertigo is likely permanent. Yes, I am managing it better. It appears to be somewhat better right now, but I suspect that might be an illusion because I have been home with no back-to-back conferences. The travel doesn’t bother me; the lack of sleep does. Being on a plane is easy. Being sleep-deprived is a problem. (I’m a champion on-the-plane sleeper.)
2. I must take care of myself. That means staying well-hydrated no matter where I am. It also means not letting myself get too hungry. I have to get enough sleep. And, it means I have to work out in the gym, to strength train. The combination of all three keeps me upright. I miss one and I lose my balance. A couple of  weeks ago I was tired from a trip and slipped in the bathroom. I managed not to fall over. I did pull groin muscles. It took me a week to walk normally again.
3. I have to work harder to be socially acceptable. Because I can’t hear on my right side, I miss some social cues about when other people are talking. If I see their mouths move but can’t hear them, are they still talking? Yes! I need to hush! Of course, not everyone talks from an obvious mouth. Some people cover their mouths when they talk. They have some nerve!

I have also learned a number of things:

• Even though I hear all elevators on the left, sometimes they arrive on the right :-)
• I can teach sitting down. I can speak sitting down, if necessary. I have not had to keynote sitting down, and I hope I never do. But I can still speak sitting down.
• If I concentrate hard enough, I can scan the room to see who is talking in a workshop.
• I can still ballroom dance, and I often need to adapt the turns, or practice them forever to get them right.
• I need to be ready to ask for help in many situations and that’s still difficult for me sometimes.

I use a cane so I have a third leg and stability walking, not because I need it orthopedically. People react differently to me when they see me with a cane, which makes me feel strange. (That’s the best word I have for it right now.) Often, they think I have mental deficiencies as well as physical limitations, just because of the cane. Oh, and if they see me walk without a cane, they assume I’m drunk. (My gait is still ataxic.) And, there is no way I could ever pass the walk-with-one-foot-in-front-of-the-other test. I don’t have enough balance for that. See, a cane is a good idea!

A bunch of great things have happened this year, too. I’ve been collaborating with Gil Broza, Rebecca Wirfs-Brock, and Shane Hastie. Esther and I are starting to talk about another book in a couple of years. Much of that work is under development, so I’ll talk about it when it’s done, not now. I’m having fun starting to write about agile management and agile program management.

Physically, I never thought I would be quite this old this young. Professionally and personally, I’m having a blast. Life remains interesting :-)

Now that I’ve fixed that problem, number 2 is now number 1. That’s the alarm-when-I-travel problem. If anyone knows of a vibrating watch that works (I bought one that doesn’t), where the alarm keeps going until you shut it off (I bought one where it vibrates once and shuts off), let me know. I could buy another pillow speaker for travel, and assume every clock radio wherever I go in the world will have a headphone jack. I prefer not to make that assumption.

When you have “idiopathic idiopathic sensorineural hearing loss” (we don’t know why, it’s from the nerve, and you can’t hear), you get an MRI. I did. I have an unusual MRI now–some hemorrhage in my right ear, and a meningioma. Meningiomas are benign brain tumors. They do need to be watched to make sure they don’t screw your brain up. As the doctor said, “You don’t have MS or brain cancer.” Well, that’s a relief. (An aside: now that relatively healthy people are getting MRIs, they find things. I suspect I will die from something quite different :-) We don’t know about the hemorrhage, and my doctor is talking with other docs who know about these things.

I have to learn to adapt. I’ll be buying a new alarm clock, both for home and travel (anyone use one with a light to wake you up?) I have to learn to be around people where there is lots of noise all around. It’s difficult to know where the noise is coming from and to filter the noise correctly. I have to be extra alert around my right side, because I can’t hear anything there. It’s amazing how many people walk next to me talking, and have no idea I can’t hear them. Oh, and don’t get me started on people who cover their mouths when they talk. Argh! I start on physical therapy for the vertigo in a couple of weeks.

I could have done without this :-) And, I am ecstatic to be alive with no deadly disease. I would prefer to have not lost my hearing (there’s now about a 20% chance I can regain it or part of it), but as things go, that’s a small problem. It’s taken me a while to find my equilibrium. I don’t quite have it physically yet, but I’m a lot better emotionally. I can work, fly, drive, do almost everything except dance (for now), and work out too hard. The vertigo comes back with a vengeance if I push myself at the gym.

When I facilitate the Reinventing Yourself Bof this year at AYE, I’ll be thinking about my work. Am I doing work that gives me joy? That helps other people? That leaves me in a state of grace?

None of us know how life will unfold. We can only keep working on our equilibrium and grace. I’ll be back to normal blogging and tweeting soon.

The key idea is this:

Our families know that we travel. And today, particularly with cell phones, it’s doubtful that they have any idea where we are.

Call your mom. This mom thanks you.

Oh, and if you want to participate in PSL in March in Albuquerque, send me email.

She’s right. You certainly can’t finish something you don’t start. But the real question for all of is: Should we start this project at all?

My current todo list is way too long. That’s because we took a couple of days off to visit with Mark’s family, and with the Jewish holidays mid-week both last week and this week, I’m “losing” time to family and personal obligations. (No, I don’t really think of it as losing time, just about the actions I choose when.)

In order to get my list of projects down to a manageable number, I’m choosing which projects I need to finish this week, which ones I need to make progress on, and which ones can be postponed starting until next week. Notice that I listed the projects I can finish first in that list.

I hate having partially finished projects, which is why I’m trying to finish a bunch of things this week, even though it’s a short week. I literally get stuck with all the projects on my list if I have too many projects.

Here’s my general mode of working:

1. Make a list of everything I have to do. Get it out of my head and onto paper. Yes, this is directly from Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen.
2. Look at the list and see when I have to complete what. Make sure I know my interim deliverables.
3. Lay out the deliverables week by week for a few weeks (not more than 4 weeks total, generally only 2).
4. For the deliverables owed this week, I do 2 things:
   • Ask, “Should I do this project at all?” It’s worth making sure this work is still valuable.
   • If yes, finish the deliverable this week. Now, my deliverables may not be done-done-done. I might have to draft an article or something and let it sit for a few days, but it’s a deliverable to me.
5. Of the deliverables this week, see if there is something I have to finish earlier rather than later. Do those.
6. Make sure I ask “Should I do this project at all?” for each project left.
7. Of the rest, do the ones that take the least time (which tends to be the most valuable for me), and get them off my plate. Since I don’t estimate that well, I never know exactly how long things take, but I’m pretty good at relative sizing.
8. Loop forever.

This is the essence of project portfolio management. I happen to be using it for myself, but it works. If you know that the work is valuable, then it’s a matter of slotting it into your week or weeks. And, if you use inch-pebbles the way I do, it’s easy (well, easier) to keep up with the work.

When my friend says she starts lots of projects and then decides if it’s worth finishing, she’s asking the “Should I do this project at all” question repeatedly. I tend to ask that question before starting, but the key is to keep asking. If you don’t, you are throwing good money after bad, wasting time.

If your projects are hobbies, it may be worth starting a bunch of projects to see what you’re interested in. But if you are making decisions on behalf of the organization, timebox each project. Make sure you know what the deliverables are and see if the team can finish those deliverables in a timebox. Now, your starting and finishing makes sense.

After the US-based Software Development conference last week, I flew to Wellington, NZ. I’m speaking at the Wellington/Auckland/Sydney Softed conferences this week. I have slept almost enough, so if you’re in any of these places and you would like to get together for dinner, let me know. (The last time I was here, I did not successfully change time zones. I didn’t actually fall asleep in my dinner, but it was close.

Labels: personal

We’re on our way home from a ski vacation. Mark’s the driver; I’m the navigator. This morning (in the dark at 5:30am), Mark said, “I don’t need a GPS. I already have a voice to direct me.”

I, of course, cracked up.

Labels: humor, personal

Udi tagged me, so I guess I need to play :-) Here are five things you don’t know about me:

1. I take ballroom dancing lessons with Mark. We’re getting pretty good! No, neither of us will be competing on “Dancing with the Stars,” have no fear! We’re both keeping our day jobs.
2. I used to bicycle a lot (at least one century ride each summer). Couldn’t figure out how to do that with babies. Now I can’t figure out how with my knees.
3. I promised my 10th-grade French teacher that in exchange for a C in French, I would never speak it to anyone as long as I live. So far, I’ve kept my promise.
4. I saw my first computer when I was 16 and in high school. I first started writing code my sophomore year in college. I only really understood what I was doing about three weeks from the end of the semester. But I was hooked!
5. For pleasure, I read romance novels.

I tag Esther, Dave, George, Frank, and Hal.

Labels: personal

This is a little off topic, but it’s a big deal to me :-)

We hit a major milestone this week. Daughter #1 is off to school. (For my non-US readers, that means university.) We have just one daughter at home, who starts high school this week.

Sending a child to school is not like releasing a product. Products stay released. I fully expect Daughter #1 to bounce back while she’s in school, and if we’re unlucky, she’ll bounce back after she graduates :-)

But it’s a major milestone in any case. We’ve prepared her–and ourselves–as much as we can for this time. I won’t know if we’ve done enough preparation until too late.

in reality, raising children to be self-sufficient contributing adults is a lot like coaching an agile project. Once the child has hit a certain age (in this child’s case, about 7), parents can coach, suggest alternatives, provide feedback, but there’s not much we could do (aside from safety issues) to ensure she would act a certain way. And raising children cannot be planned like a waterfall or stage-gate lifecycle :-)

I’ve found the same thing with my project coaching, especially for agile projects. Because the iterations are short, the project team can obtain feedback quickly about what they’re doing (or not doing) or how they’re doing it, and can decide if and how they want to change what they do.

I don’t know about other people, but Mark and I have found that each of our daughters requires a different kind of parenting to help them see where to go and how they’ll decide what to do to get there. I’ve seen the same thing with project teams (and of course, the people on those teams). Sometimes, the people need to see alternatives. Sometimes they need some hand-holding to start and then I need to quickly back away. Sometimes they need to see the big picture of why, and then they’ll choose their own way. There are lots of other characteristics of project teams and how they need consultants to act, but those are some of the common ways I’ve encountered.

So, now we are three. How we deal with the day-to-day things (making dinner, taking out the garbage, doing laundry), will be different. We will have to remake our family connections, still allowing Daughter #1 to return and (hopefully) fit back into our group. I suspect the fitting back in will be difficult–I certainly remember it being difficult for me :-)

Daughter #1 off to college is a major milestone. And I am very happy we’ve gotten here.