There's a twitter discussion of what people “should” do in certain situations. One of the participants believes that people “should” want to learn on their own time and work more than 40 hours per week. I believe in learning. I don't believe in expecting people to work more than 40 hours/week. My experience is that when you ask people to work more than 40 hours, they get stupid. See Management Myth 15: I Need People to Work Overtime. If you want people to learn, read Management Myth #9: We Have No Time for Training.
One participant also said that people should leave their emotional baggage (my word) at home. Work supposedly isn't for emotions. Well, I don't understand how we can have people who work without their emotions. Emotions are how we explain how we feel about things. I want people to advocate for what they feel is useful and good. I want to know when they feel something is bad and damaging. I want that, as a manager. See Management Myth #4: I Don't Need One-on-Ones.
People are emotional. Let's assume they are adults and can harness their emotions. If not, we can provide feedback about the situation. But, ignoring their emotions? That never works. It's incongruent and can make the situation worse.
I have a problem with “shoulds” for other people. I cannot know what is going on in other people's lives. Nor, do I want to know all the details as a manager. I need to know enough to use my judgement as a manager to help the people and teams proceed.
When managers build trust with people, those people can share what is relevant about the way they can perform at work with their manager, and maybe with their team. If they have a personal situation that requires time off, depending on the team, the person might have to talk to the team before the manager. (I know some agile teams like this.) The team might manage the situation without management help or interference.
If you are in a leadership position, don't impose your “shoulds” on other people. You cannot know what is happening in other people's lives. You can ask for
You can ask for the results you want. You want people to learn more? Provide time during the week for everyone to learn together. You want people to work through a personal crisis? Provide support.
Don't expect automatons at work. Expect humans and you'll get way more than you could imagine.